As I listened to Dr Brene Brown talk on a video, I felt like she hit me up side the head!
She doesn’t research or talk about “how to”. Her theory is that we all know the answers to “how to”. We all know what we should do. It’s what gets in the way of what we know we should do that she researches and talks about.
Not knowing “how to” isn’t the problem. The problem is what we throw into our own way.
Wow!
So many times in my life, I’ve known what I should do but couldn’t do it at the time because…
…the time wasn’t right.
…I had to get something else in place first.
…I had to make someone else happy first.
The list of “because” could go on and on.
I’m sure there are instances in your life where you could make the same kind of list. Maybe you’re in one of those moments right now.
Dr Brene Brown in an excerpt from her 2009 UP Experience talk said:
On the relationship between shame and perfectionism:
Perfectionism is not the same as healthy striving. Healthy striving is internally motivating, wanting to do the best you can.Perfectionism is simply a defense mechanism that leads this thought process:
If I do it perfect, live perfect, look perfect, I can avoid or minimize feelings of judgment, shame and blame.The thing about perfectionism that is so destructive and addictive is that you can’t avoid or minimize feelings of judgment, shame and blame. It’s part of the human experience.
So when you go out and you’re not so perfect, which is not achievable, your thought process is:
If I had just been more perfect. Next time I’ll be more perfect.So if you really think about it. Perfectionism is not healthy striving but a way to help us from feeling “less than”.
Watch the full video. It’s 25 minutes long but I found it sooooo worth listening to.
Did listening to her give you food for thought?
What did it make you think about?
What did it make you think about?
Leave me a comment with your thoughts. I’m curious if this affected anyone else the way it affected me.
Now I’m off to go read Dr Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection.
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